4 questions to ask before moving in with your boyfriend
If one of us gets a job abroad, would the other agree to follow him?
If you thought about going to live with him and the South Pole because you really want to raise your relationship to a higher level, then you should have no dilemmas. But if reasons for wanting a relocation lie behind savings such as overheads and rent (“Why pay everything double?”) And you look at the whole combination more as a relationship between two roommates, think twice. “Living together for the wrong reasons, such as financial ones, can get you into a complicated relationship that you may not be able to get out of when you want,” warns W. Bradford Wilcox, professor of philosophy and head of the National Marriage Program at the University of Virginia. Namely, couples who consciously and responsibly make important decisions like this, Wilcox says, have a much better chance of having and maintaining a successful relationship than those who just indulge and do things because others do so and think they have nothing lose, they want to try something new … Don’t think of it as something you have to do but what you could do. The attitude: “That way I could have my boyfriend in bed all by himself every night” is much more productive than this: “All my friends live with their boyfriends, so I should.”
Can we arrange a division of household chores without firing plates?
If he has seriously bad flaws, for example, he is extremely selfish, it can cause equally serious problems. If you’re worried about dirty boxers scattered all over the apartment or a raised toilet seat, these are normal and commonplace things. Specifically, 83 percent of girls say the initial period of life with a boyfriend is also the most specific (and most difficult) test of their relationship, and the division of jobs and responsibilities is the biggest challenge, at least according to an online poll on UGallery. Make it Carrie Bradshaw style – Take a break the day before moving, open a bottle of wine to store for special occasions, and arrange future commitments to your affinities.
Maybe he’s a masterchef for making fish, and you adore washing dishes while shaking your favorite CD. “Make sure you both respect your partner’s private space,” advises Samantha Boardman, psychiatrist and lecturer at Weill Cornell School of Medicine. “For example, having separate cabinets will give you a greater sense of autonomy, freedom and self-control and help you not go crazy until he starts leaving wet towels on the floor.” We say – sold!
Are we ready to talk about money very seriously?
This may not be the sexiest conversation you will ever have, but you have to do it, because signing on paperwork that legally binds you to some things is no small matter. “If your partner does not pay his share of the installment, it can affect your credit, for example – if you repaid the loan and you are a co-borrower,” warns Alex von Tobel, founder and CEO of Financial Advisory LearnVest and Cosma Financial Advisor. Von Tobel suggests that you make a budget plan based on how much you estimate each of you could spend on rent or loan, bills and living expenses. It rarely happens that the situation is ideal and the costs are split in half. If one of you makes more money or can simply afford to take on more of your monetary obligations, then it’s okay if you both agree. The most important thing is to make a plan that will make both parties happy.
Will this step badly affect our possible marriage?
Forget everything your moms and grandmothers have told you. Living in two does not mean that you will remain a couple forever and will never kneel in front of you and put a ring on your hand. In fact, two-thirds of newly married marriages are exactly those between people who, before changing their vows, decided to try first what it was like to live with someone under the same roof, according to research by the Contemporary Family Committee. Sharing a joint space with a partner can function as a general marriage rehearsal, points out Arielle Kuperberg, professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. But don’t think of relocation as the last step before your big wedding. Be honest about how you envision your relationship in the future, and if you want it to end in marriage, be sure you both want it for the right reasons.